BRAND NEW START*

I been pondering, thinking, emoing, regretting alot alot since our seperation in Jan 09. Been 6months since we parted and memories still came pouring back bits by bits... When I used to have her, I failed to treasure her. Now since she already move on, why cant I do tat? I guess I already figured out why.. Cos She my first ever true love... First gal tat i really love alot.. and also hurt the deepest.

Since she happy now in a new rs, what there for me to hold onto? I should learn to let go a few months back.. However, I fail to do so.. There something in me that tell me tat I still have hope, still have a chance.. But the day when she text me, I know I just lyin to myself.. I never ever choose to accept the reality. I choose to avoid & it not doing me any good.. I am never happy this way... Thinking back, at least we are in love with each other b4 and I guess that is enough for both of us..

Starting another rs when I have not let go of my past rs is also another incident tat i regret.. When ppl told me tat de best medicine to cure a fail rs is to start a new one, I thought it sound kinda true to me.. But it proven tat it does not work for me, instead I hurt one more ppl.. I just dun know why i sure a failure in rs? Maybe I dun know how to fall in love again? But one thing I am sure is tat I not going to repeat my past mistakes again. Never EVER...

GG alway ask me why I cant just let go of everything and start life afresh again.. I alway told him cos she is wat I want in my life.. However, I have already come to terms tat we are no longer possible... There are things in life where there is no chance of turning back. I have already decided tat I wanta lead a brand new life again. I dun wanta be emoing bout my memories or the mistakes I make again. I should be lookin ahead instead of lookin back again... Letting go might also be a blessing in disguise. =) Thanks for the memories.

Today will be the start of my new chapter. I definitely hope I can be able to do tat.. Took 6 months to come to terms with everything. I hope I not too late... it never late to change right? With support from everyone of you, I know I can move on.

AND I REALLY MEAN MOVING ON !

The 'NEW' Dave.

THE END

OF

050605

Random Friday*

Mj with wei min gary and his gf yesterday at wei min's place b4 going back to fetch my dad from work.. Second round of mj over at yx's house with wei min and roger! I becoming mj addict soon.. At this rate of playin, by age of 25yrs old i think I might have spend away all my money and savings! >_<

Anyway I on leave today.. Need to take a break after the recently concluded audit check conducted for materials and inventory management in my flight. >_< Needless to say, with me in charge sure alot of cock-up lol.. Got alot of action items to review and follow up... Slack dave going to be busy for sometime now.. sian 1/2..

Slept around 5am yesterday and here I am using msn and bloggin in the early hours of a really cold and fine Friday! I should be hitting my bed soon again! =)

wat is LOVE?*

My camp mates and I were discussing bout r/s stuff when one of my friend told us that his friend, a female, buy a car (under her name) for her bf to drive last yr. Furthermore, she help to pay the down payment for him too.. Needless to say, monthly installment of cos pay by the guy la.. =) Tat sound so sweet right? When we heard of it, we were so taken aback lol.. why did these type of things never occur to me too? haha..

Then came the WORST! The couple broke up recently and now the car is park under her house and no one is driving lol!!! The installment yet to finish paying, still have road tax and insurance to pay.. I used to own a car so I know how tedious and difficult it is to maintain one.. Furthermore, my friend told us tat she cant drive the car cos she do not have a license yet! Tat mean the car is park everyday at the carpark lol.. Heard tat she cant sold the car too as she need a lump sum of money to settle the remaining bank loan.. My second hand car need to pay the bank around 5k plus liao.. A brand new car? OMG... Tat worst... >_<

Tat really make me think bout wat is the extend of love? Does tat mean ya have to buy wat the other party one cos u love him/her? or buy the most expensive things for them cos we love them? Love is definitely not by measure of money or luxury goods. Wat happen if everyone end up like the gal? stuck with the car and debts? Love shouldnt be like this.. Even if both party ended the rs, one should never ever end up with a fiancial burden.

Thinking back, I sound so absurb when I wanta took back some of the stuffs tat I brought for her.. I am alway hot temper and unreasonable so I am sorry for my rowdy behaviour... Compare to a car, this is nothin lol.. hee.. Ppl may be sayin tat the gal is stupid to buy the car for her bf when they are not even marry yet.. However everyone is blinded by love when they are in a rs wat! There maybe times when we regret doing things tat we shouldnt do.. Thinkin back, I have no regrets in knowing and being with you.. 050605 will always be my sweet memories..

To me, love is being with the person tat ya wanta be with deep in your heart.

NDP pics*

Images not sharp.. think de camera-man never use a quality camera! 3 more weeks & I be free.. My SAT will be back soon...

Thinkin bout it, wat can I do on a SAT anyway? =(

触电*

明明是昨天的事情

怎麼今天我还在经历

一丁点回忆都能惊天又动地

想问个愚蠢问题

我们再这样下去

你猜会走到哪里

LESSON*

Was asked by my senior if I will like to go for oversea dectachment, I really dun know.

Study or Oversea Det? It time to think for my future....

& I learn one thing today - Never ever ever take your love one for granted..

Over isnt it?*

Time really flies and another 3 more SAT training and NDP will soon be over! Cant wait for everything to end.. I dread sat not only cos of training but also the time spent waiting for everything to get started... Worst thing is when there too much idle time, my mind bring me back to the past again. Sweet, Sour, loving... everything bout her n me.. Emoing at parade training? YUP, tat is ME... Can you also imagine waiting for close to 2 hours for the bus to bring us back to paya lebar airbase? Lucky my dad came to pick me up if not have to take a cab back home lol.. By the time I reached home, it was already 12.30am lol.. >_<

Been msging her few days ago.. Everything is very clear but I alway choose to avoid the facts and reality.. Why am I like tis? Her msg already told me tat ZM mean nothin to her anymore. NOTHING....

HER: I really dun wanta you be in tis state. pls move on. Just bear in mind that we'll never get back together cos i really love my bf. I hope this will make you give up.

张栋梁 - 低调

我的难过是如此低调

因为不想打扰我在寂寞的墙角

努力的对自己好你用微笑回报

朋友或情人不重要我的悲伤是如此低调

傻子才会哭闹就算你发现也好

我想你一定会选择假装不知道

只怕我自己的掩饰不够好

Pondering OVER AGAIN*

First day of work for me today and it a beta day compare to last week.. Wake up not so emo and not so moody.. =) Anyway b4 I 4get, I really appreciate ppl around me tat really care and concern for me.. Thanks so much to ppl like qiao e & eunice for talking senses to me in MSN and listening to my story over & over again... Appreciate tat! =) Definitely not 4getting all my good n best friends! Many thanks once again..

I still remember one sentence tat eunice say to me " so wat if both of u get back together? wat ya like is the 'old' her and not the one tat she is now" This sentence really strike me hard and make me reflect alot.. Everyone changes and maybe she is a different person now? She already know what she want in her life and I not in the picture. I guess this is my fate, my story, my memories...

I was watchin Gossip Girls Season 2 just now when Dan & Serena get back together for the third time! But in reality, in my life, it is not going to happen like tis.. As we were msgin today, she told me tat it over between us and she love really her BF alot. I had nothin to say after tat.. TOTALLY loss for words.. I have nobody to blame but myself.. Is tat wat love suppose to mean? Letting the person you love to be with another person? Or should I put it tis way - Letting her find her own happiness? Totally not in the state of mind to think bout rs anymore. IT hurts and I need time.. alot alot of time.. I still remember telling Roger tat why do we alway have to lose one thing tat know the importance of it and he told me :

This is life.. This is how we will Learn and Grow...

Watever it is, I know it too late.. How long will I need? I not sure but I just hope by occupying myself in my work and study(soon), I wont have time to think so much.. I really ok everyone.. Just having regrets tat things turn out tis way.. GG sure think tat i very naggy & emo cos I always being like tis.. But dude I cant help it and ya going to Aussie tis week.. I will miss talkin to you on the phone when I emo lol.. =(

DONT TELL ME IT'S OVER

This is such a meaningful song and lyrics really speaking of my story, wat I going through, wat I experiencing... Cant help it feelin f***k up yet again..

Baby wat wrong with you?
Are u scared that we could run into him?
And what he gonna do?
U should say that u no longer wanted him
U need to let him know
That he already got his chance
And u already got a man

This part of the lyrics seem to be wat her's bf is tellin me.. maybe wat she wanta tell me too? haiz.

Dont tell me it's over
I can tell tat it's been hurting you
I see it in your eyes
Its the first time tat I am feelin
That I am bout to cry
Just say anything but goodbye
DONT TELL ME IT'S OVER...

Simply just wat I wanta say to her from bottom of my heart... I am totally not myself today.. I can feel it.. =(

EMO SUNDAY... ALONE..

RaNdOm*

Life goes on after selling my car though I have to admit travlling from one place to another become kinda more difficult. Example going to camp for work - have to take train to CCK then change to bus! Going for NDP rehersal worst lol.. But I can still drive my dad car or even take a cabby! =) Once a week take cab also not a bad idea ba... =) At least I will have taken all the public transport - Train, Bus and Taxi.. =) Come back to think of it.. this is not the worst I have experienced in my life.. Losing her, 6months never talk to my mum, soccer betting in which I owe a big sum of money during poly came down as the worst till now... Hiaz.. When Am I going to have a successful life? Till now, I still standing here alone.. regretting wat has happened between me & her. I really really regret it... Given another chance, I will never ever ever let you go...

Hiaz.. Guesss I should not be sayin all these stuff as it wont help anymore.. Anyway these few days activities kinda pack for me execpt today - stayin home to rest after yesterday's tired NDP NE show 1..

Thur - 02/07/09
The day I sold my car.. In the end, I never went to work as I reached home around 4pm and definitely late for work lol.. Anyway met up with rx after her work and we went to ECP to relax and have our chit chat session... Rx, if you really leave for aussie to study ya beta dun 4get me hor! Pearly left for brisbane and wont be back so soon.. and b4 pearly is back, my best friend going join her also.. If one day GG also go study oversea and wont come back so soon, I dun know how my life going to be. Nevertheless, hope everyhthing well for both of you (RX & Pearl) now!

Friday - 03/07/09
First day without my car lol.. Roger was such a sweety.. Calling me at 2plus to volunteer to send me to work lol.. But I declined as I really need to be independent dude! But I appreciate it... The guys came over to my place for MJ after my night-shift work end at 10pm.. My sweet dad came over camp to pick me.. Thanks dude! =) Mj session till 4am.. I can still remember GG's attitude face.. hahaha.. Cos he alway wait for tiles le but let ppl game! Dun worry, play more and luck will come.. =) Slept at around 4plus and still have parade the next day!!!

Sat - 04/07/09
Parade the whole day till 9pm lol.. First NE show tis week and I was shift to the front row!! SIAO LIAO LOL.. I really dam nervous lol.. I almost screw up when we were given command to salute arrvial of MR President.. I failed to pull down my rifle cos the rifle sling like stuck between my shirt lol.. Lucky my friend beside me told me slowly pulled down.. Cant imagine if I really screw it up big time.. LIAO lol.. Nevertheless, the parade was a success as complimented by RSM.. =) 4 more parade to actual NDP 09! Thanks to ah ben for sending me back to Bukit Batok! However upon reaching home, took a bath and hit dreamland straightaway.. Dun even have time to take out my uniforms from my bag to put in the laundry basket lol.. TAT HOW SHAG I AM! >_<

BYE SGE6938x*

Finally, I had sold away my AVEO for a sum of $19.5k... Still need to settle the outstanding loan which mean I had to dig into my pocket and settle the remaining sum for the car.. =( Help me somebody!!! Checked with alot of dealers and tis is one of the best sum I received.. Rather then suffering more loss, I might as well sell it at this price...

NO MORE SEEING DAVE DRVING HIS RED AVEO!!! Try finding me in MRT or SBS BUS from now onwards..

Just as I thought everything was going smoothly, one of the dealer called me & told me that they need to send my car to workshop to repair as the engine and ABS light indicator is being activated... LIAO la.. I thought they wont bother bout this minor details.. BUT they told me tat it might had something to do with the engine.. LIAO.. MY heart sank lol.. Mean I had to fork out money to repair the car first before I could sell to them... NO choice lol.. This car let me drove till "Half-Dead, Half-Alife".. I only wanta know how much money I need to fork out to repay the remaining settlements lol..

Estimated to pay - at least $5K >_<

Beside sucking thumb, there nothin else I can do le lol.. Just pray servicing keep to a minmium price and that dun need to fork out so much to pay the rest of the sum lol.. PRAYING HARD NOW! Anyway, I also register myself in the same sch as GG liao - SIMM. Going to study Bachelor of Commerce in Logistic & Supply Chain Management lol.. Another sum of money going out again!! NO INPUT KEEP OUTPUT!!! Siao liao lol... >_<>